February 8, 2012

TV Talk: The New Girl

I am so glad that I fell behind on The New Girl because I just got to spend almost 2 hours laughing so hard. I am embarrassed that the neighbors might have heard me, and thought I was having Fran Drescher over for dinner.  I seriously CANNOT control my giggles when it comes to this show.  
Love me some Zooey.
One of the reasons?  This monologue.  
Jess goes on a rant defending herself to Nick's girlfriend, the mean power suit wearing lawyer who doesn't like dessert.  It's from episode 11, Jess & Julia, read more here.  I hope it resonates with as much hilarity as I found.  I can't find the video, but it is on demand!
(yes, I am still laughing)
"I brake for birds
I rock a lot of polka dots
I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours
I spend my entire day talking to children...
and I find it fundamentally strange that you’re
not a dessert person. 
That’s just weird, and it freaks me out. I'm sorry I don't talk like Murphy Brown,
I hate your pantsuit
I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it slightly cuter-
And that doesn't mean I'm not smart and tough and strong...
And I'm about to go pay this $800 fine and my checks have baby farm animals on them... bitch!"



  1. OMG I seriously love this show too. You must watch the first 2 episodes...they are some of my fave.

  2. New Girl is one of my favorite shows!  I love Zooey, but I love Schmidt too.  Especially his birthday song and all the crap he does to make him have to put money in the Douchebag Jar.  Priceless!

  3. I love Schmidt! He is so so so funny! When he was talking about his hair chut-en-ney, I was DYING!

  4. I saw the first few, and then the Thanksgiving one, and the most recent two.  I missed a couple, so I'll have to watch them soon.  I didn't want to just like it because I love her.. The writing makes me laugh!

  5. I love that show!!!  And, as a night shift worker with an ever changing schedule, I can appreciate that each show can be watched alone.  Last night I was howling in laughter! 

    BTW, she is hosting SNL this weekend! 


    W. :)

  6. i love this show and zoey! this episode was pretty hilarious. i'm a big lizzy caplan fan too, and i wish she was playing a cooler character than she is.

  7. WHAAT! Amazing, setting the DVR right now.  I love her! Thanks for letting me know!

  8. I know, when I first heard her voice I was like JANICE IAN! When she socked that dude in the face, I had to pause the show I was laughing so loud.

  9. This monologue is definitely my favorite of the show so far! I have a feeling that this will be the nice girls' rant for a long time!

  10. That was my absolute favorite part of that episode. I love Jess. And her style. And her positive ways. And what's not to live about Schmidt and the grouchy roommate who's name escapes me....

  11. I stopped watching this show after 2 or 3 episodes. However, I feel like I wrote that monologue. Basically, I DO spend my days talking to children. Some of my nights, too. And basically I wake up with glitter in between my toes.

  12. I know! I feel like the rant was written FOR me!

  13. You should catch up.  Some of the more recent ones are delightful!  And if this isn't a biographical rant about us... I don't know what is!

  14. my favorite show! my husband likes it too!
    i borrowed the rant you typed up for my "favorite quotes" section on facebook--hope that's OK! :)


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